Seriously! That's how it happens. There you are, drinking until 2 a.m. every night, shopping for cool shoes on the Internet, and wondering when your professional skateboarding career might take off when it suddenly dawns on you: you're fucking 30 years old and you're not getting any younger. Time to freak out, dude! Time to change.
And time to start questioning – everything.
Now, maybe that's not how it goes for people who stayed back home, finished college at 22, got married, had babies, and bought a house in the ’burbs (yeah, I see y'all on Facebook), but that's certainly what happens when you come of age in San Francisco, "the city where twenty-somethings go to retire," where nobody works, and where you can drink in parks every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoon for years before wondering if it's normal.
But that's just the thing. It's not normal! It's fun, but it's not normal at all. Being 30-something in San Francisco means a lot – and it does come with tons of perks – but what it doesn't mean is that you always feel ... adjusted.
Still. I love it here and I have no desire to leave. But I have had to change, or at least I’ve been trying. The thing is, unless you're rich it's nearly impossible to live like "a real adult" in this town. You can't have a big yard, you can't buy a house, and the bars still call your name as loudly as ever. You don't want to leave the city, but you gotta do something. But what? And how?
Well, to use a catchphrase from the twilight of hip-hop’s Golden Age (when I was still young):
This is how we do it.
Now let’s flip the track and bring the old-school back. Oh!
One thing that’s true about getting old is that your body starts breaking down – just a little at first, but you can
feel
it – and suddenly it requires maintenance. That means you can't eat pizza every night and drink 20 beers like normal. You can't, that is, unless you adjust your artsy persona to include a heavy dose of athleticism.
Forget everything you ever thought about runners and gym rats. Those folks might look corny in their hot-pink Nikes and spandex short-shorts, but they all eat like pigs and most can drink your flabby art-school ass under the table. Trust me. Since I turned 29, I went from occasionally running a few miles a week to straight-up Prefontaine status (one full marathon and three halves so far) and I can drink way more now than when I was "young." I'm also outdoors more, insanely energetic, and yes, still skinny as shit!
Of course, exercising isn't easy. You gotta get up early and you gotta train – a lot. My advice is to do Bay to Breakers before your 30th birthday. There’s beer, the participants are all freaks, and you can do the walk-run thing without looking like a wuss. After that, just start hitting the streets every morning. The cool thing about running in San Francisco is that you're always five minutes from a park.
When you’re first entering your 30s you’re going to want to hide it. It just feels weird, especially if you’re constantly surrounded by younger folks. Say you're having a beer with your work buddy at your tenth (sort-of-paid) internship and the subject of moving home comes up and you say, “Yeah, I just went to my high-school reunion and those fools were all divorced and miserable with six kids."
Brrrrrrk. Pump the brakes, man. The kid you're talking to is only 23 and you just outed yourself. You are old, you are "the other,” and now the dude's gonna tell all your coworkers and they're gonna ostracize the shit outta you.
But you know what? Fuck those guys! Young people are cool and all, but what do they know about ALF, or Atari, or mixtapes? What do they know about the Fat Boys, He-Man, Hypercolor, and The Goonies? Sheee-it, I know all about that! And you know what, I wouldn’t trade any of it for a childhood filled with sexts, Facebook, and World of Warcraft. No way.
Dude, I’m in my thirties, should I really be...
Living without health insurance or savings?
Going to school (again)?
Living with roommates?
Riding a skateboard?
Smoking cigarettes?
Reading Thrasher magazine?
Putting up a wilderness-themed mural in my bedroom?
The answer is who cares. Because you are (I am)! And it's okay. That's because...
Seriously! If you do the exercise thing you can milk the fountain of youth for at least another decade. Maybe that’s why this city seems so young. I mean, there's a ton of people drinking in the park every day and it stands to reason many of them are also over 30. And the people at your favorite dive bar, well, lots of them are older too. That's why we all moved here – to not grow up. And it works!
In fact, almost all my friends are over 30 these days. What’s cool is that you’d never guess it. Tattoos, fashion, burritos, beer, block parties, traveling, making stuff, and partying – that’s what they’re all about. And I don’t see any of them giving it up anytime soon. They might mellow down a bit to handle business, but San Francisco is unique because, even when you start getting old, there’s never a need to stop being who you are.
The Mission was great when you were 25, but all those parties and all the coked-out dive bars that keep you dancing to R. Kelly songs until sunrise lose their luster eventually. And really, you can't do that shit forever. You might still want to. But the thought of getting fired for excessive hangover call-ins this late in the game is horrifying – totally cool when you're young, but a definite sign of failure at 30. Sometimes a change of environment can help ease the transition. But where to move? The East Bay? There’s more space out there, true, but it's not San Francisco. Noe Valley? God no! I finally settled on the Western Addition. People still go out here, but they’re older and, I’m guessing, less likely to overdo it.
Of course, changing neighborhoods doesn’t guarantee you’ll mellow out. I'm writing this from my new chill spot, Mojo Bicycle Café, at noon on a Saturday and I'm already two beers deep. The family sitting next to me is too. Apparently being 30-something in San Francisco does not mean staying sober. Which is fine by me. Getting old is scary. Beer helps.
Your peeps back in small-town PA might not freak out over DIY classes or re-worked vintage apparel, but 30-somethings in San Francisco do. They love that stuff! And if writing about cheap
burritos or art is your thing, well, you can do that too. Skateboarding, yoga, street food – it might all sound like college stuff to folks in the ’burbs, but it's fair game here.
That's because 30-somethings in San Francisco have their own definition of adulthood and it does not include settling. It means hustling harder to make shit happen on your own terms.
Living in your 30s in San Francisco is awesome because there’s tons of fun shit to do and nobody bats an eye when you do it. It's true that age comes with a certain degree of worry, self-reflection, and change, but if you choose to stay here past 29, you're in for an amazing time. I wouldn't trade my day-drinking sessions, block parties, or dive bars for a comfy house, a fancy car, or even lots of money if it meant I had to move away from the town I love, where 30-somethings remain to stay inspired.
So forget all your worries and stop being embarrassed about your age. Being 30-something in San Francisco means you're gonna stay fit, happy, and sharp way longer than you thought. Maybe you have to wait tables to make rent, and maybe you need to adjust some habits, but at least you're still here. And for that, you rule.
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lmm
This article seems very much out of place. It is the antithesis of the San Francisco spirit which is to be do your thing and not give a crap about what other people think of you. If someone wants to comment about your age, your partner choice, your food choices you tell them to go take a hike.
This whole article was dedicated to a person's obsession about his age. It seems so superficial. To be fair though, I think the author was just following the theme of TBI which is to showcase white, 20&30-somethings. I'm not sure the magazine realizes there's a larger cross-section of people out there.
Elizabeth B
@lmm
This article actually speaks on a completely non-superficial condition, the fear of getting "old", that every human (regardless of age, race, or gender) has to face.
Whether or not there is validity in saying TBI showcases "white, 20&30-somethings," all publications have to have a target demographic. They wouldn't survive as a business if they didn't. If every editorial entity covered everything for everyone in every place, there would be no unique content.
I enjoyed this article, and I'm not in my 30's!
Pennylane
I liked the article until you bashed Noe Valley....I didn't know being in your 30's made you a hater.
lmm
@Elizabeth B
Thanks for your comment to my comment. I would completely agree with you if the author had talked about the fears associated with growing older such as what will his legacy be, is he making the most of his time now given that we're around only for a short time. But it seems instead the author was alluding to the embarrassment of growing old and how other people younger than he is will judge him because of his age.
As far as TBI's demographic I didn't realize that the target audience is white 20&30-somethings. I just thought it would be more interesting if they show-cased a wider demographic of San Franciscans doing "cool stuff".
Kelly M
this story is fun:) western addition is where 20 something mission folks go to in their 30s. thank god for this neighborhood. its awesome.
contrarian
You know what is weird? I'm 33, I live in the mission and I have a two year old. I also don't drink in the park. I must be some kind of freak.
cameron
@Imm
Perhaps those fears are implicit? If he'd expounded on them the article would have been very long, and would have been a different kind of article altogether.. perhaps meant for a different sort of publication like "Psychology Today."
I am 27 and charging straight through to 40. Inner Sunset!
MorganicSF
Great piece. Looking forward to my 30s
Meagan M
lmm did you read the same article as me? the author speaks to not caring what others think, living your own life and being able to do what you want in San Francisco without confirming to society's "norm" ... I thoroughly enjoyed the light-hearted style of the letter while drinking a glass of wine from the Bean Bag Cafe, post work out. I'm holding on to 28, but looking forward to 30... in due time
jaypers
Yep, this pretty much sums up my life right now. I even live around the corner from Mojo cafe. Wonder what the 40 year version looks like (i'm almost there).
Nicolicious
sheesh...talk about haters! this article is about growing "old" in SF and how it differs from other places. it's not about how his lifestyle is better than yours, or whatever.
as a 32-year-old lower haight dweller, i can relate. for the most part i love my life, which is pretty much like the writer describes if you switch Nylon mag for Thrasher.
yes, it's a 30-something, white, sans-child dude's perspective, but that's what this mag is about--letting each writer tell it from their experience, not some universal bullshit that everyone can relate to and nod their heads at.
Mennlay A
Fun article--scary illustrations. I'm dangerously close to 30, a recent Oakland transplant from 23rd and Valencia, and found it relatively painless.
Trouble is, if you're me, no one's gonna accept your co-signer-less application to move into their $1,600 studio efficiency in the TL.
I love Oakland. I'm looking forward to growing old in the Bay Area and happy to no longer be the only black chick in the dive bar.
joe_sc
ok, so i just turned 30 on sunday and i have been freaking out about it. so after a recent rant to a friend, she posted this article on my fb wall, and now i want to move to SF, lol.
i feel like the bumblebee girl in the blind melon video when i read this--which, like your comment about ALF and he-man that i couldn't POSSIBLY agree more with-- i wouldn't be able to appreciate as fully if i was actually younger.
Alexis B
I am not 30 yet, but I have a bad case of career anxiety. I blame San Francisco for making me want to turn my 'obsession into my career', and I am grateful that I've been able to find that drive and passion. I love that I have a bigger costume box than I did when I was in college, and that I work in a city that is so expensive that I live paycheck to paycheck while optimistically working towards my 'calling' (yes, I found one) on the side. It is a city that I don't see myself leaving any time soon. I believe it is helping me grow up, while keeping me insanely young (perhaps, the 20 days I drank in December will age me a bit - but I figure the miles I log every week will counter that). Great article, great city.
Charles H
The Western Addition is a horrible, scary, not to mention dangerous place. Stay away or else you'll be sorry.
cabran
Great article, and perfect description of what makes this city unique, and why so many of us gladly trade "back yards, big houses, and plenty of parking spaces" for living somewhere where you can enjoy so many vibrant experiences every single day.
ZingaraR
loooove this article- thank you!! 34 and still in the Mission, haven't yet made it over to the western addition ha ha...
aks
All this article did is make me feel even older.
MichaelHyde
Great article Justin + Jennifer.
This city and the Bay Area at large allow for each person to explore, play, grow (and hide, wallow, and regress - when necessary) and that is amazing.
GO AND PLAY PEOPLE!
swagerella
if youve been here since your early 20s...it seems like you spend your young adulthood looking up to how the fun early 30 crowd lives their lives-where they party, where they travel, how they work. then, when u hit that age, they open their arms and say, 'yup, youve been here just as long as us, you survived it, you love it, too...welcome, let's do this.' before u know it, youre that early something and the cycle continues. god i love this city.
PublicHealthMan
Hey!
Very fun article. And most impressive to see so many wonderful illustrations!
I lived in the Bay Area 20 years and did a lot of "crazy" things. One thing I noticed was the sad shifts in demographics at times and in places. Displacement from the Dot.Com booom, etc. And YES, came to dread the shocked reactions when people found out how old I was. Only the best really wanted my stories. :D
But I am here on a mission, Dear Missionites, even if having a mission is suggested uncool here: I have also noticed in various 'communities' that chronic alcohol use seemed to lead to a depressing lack of potential and play. And I miss the psychedelic influence of the cultural revolutions San Francisco. Park culture is just part of the mix. How 'bout all those rather straight seeming young professionals and do gooders?
So as PUBLIC HEALTH MAN, speaking of doogooodies, I'd just like to add a counter to the advice that drinking keeps you young. Not to harsh anyone's mellow maaan! Just can't stand bad health advice. There's actually mounting evidence that, besides nervous system damage, etc., alcohol ages us.
What if we could be cool and free and break out of our boxes without relying on alcohol? Seems it only builds a new box...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impact_of_alcohol_on_aging
Oooh yes, and I'm not so sure SF is the only place people go to retire young...have you heard, our dear little neighbor to the north, Portland, is where you can still live the Dream of the 90s?
http://www.ifc.com/portlandia/videos/portlandia-portland-dream-of-the-90s
But seriously, fun read! And thank you so much for the illustrations!!! Go Jenifer! Speaking of keeping art and life alive... ;)
Sarah M. S
Marry me, Justin Juul.
JStewart
To "Pennylane" in Noe Valley: You must have been born in the 80's. Toughen up, wimp!
WalkerWilson
You are making me miss san francisco! I moved back to my hometown at 29 exactly because I was having a I'm-Turning-30 crisis. Granted, I have an amazing job, a yard where my 2 dogs can stretch out, and I no longer feel guilty for wanting to hermit out. But I think no matter where you end up around this age there is the soul-crushing threat of Failure, of trading chance-taking for comfort, of becoming obsolete. The only practice I have found to combat the anxiety is to work hard, be nice to people, be nice to yourself. If that's not an SF moto, I don't know what is. xo
Mapes1
I have mixed feelings about this editorial.
I do like the way it starts. discussing the things you just can't help but notice in your 30's and how you have to change up you regime if your gonna keep playing around like a 20 something.
I thought this article was amusing. I find most of TBI that way, but with this article, and SO many of their others, I feel that their demographic is not only white 20-30 somethings. But more specifically Missionite hipsters... Which would be fine, but it's really annoying when TBI does their many articles on "What it means to be this or that in San Francisco", when really what they are talking about is what it means to be a hipster in San Francisco.... SF isn't just about getting away with drinking in the park three days a week and dive bars. Or Western Addition being the only good place to live once you've gotten too old for the Mission. Or how to keep being better than everyone who doesn't fit into your Hipster mold. I'm not Hatin' I'm just Statin'.
SF IS a great place to come into your 30's, your responsible adulthood. It's a great place to cultivate your maturity. It's about diversity and appreciating ALL the different demographics this city has to offer and not having to act like we are still in high school playing who's cool any more. We can have old, young, middle aged, white, black, east indian, latin, middle eastern, asian, african, australian european, rich, poor, yuppy, geek, hipster, dancehall, hip-hop, thug and pious friends all at the same party and get along. 30 something in SF is realizing, yeah I'm aging, but I can be as young or as old as I choose today. I can go drink in the park or I can go see the HOudini Exhibit at the Contemporary Jewish Museum. I can go schwill at Pop's or I can sip on some well aged scotch at Bourbon & Branch. I don't have to live in any specific neighborhood to be cool, because cool comes from me. Not the Misssion, the Tenderloin or Western Addition... or even San Francisco for that matter. That's what I love about being 30-something in SF... and while amusing, this piece just lacked the TRUE finer points..... to anyone, but a 30-something Missionite.
KenMurphy
Man, I wish I was young enough for 30 to seem old.
Miguel A
All these comments make me love this story even more. Tsssst Tsssst.
whatever
You know, I'm 40 and I had my first kid at 20, I've never been an alcoholic or hung out with douchebags in the park. I've lived in S.F. since '93 and I'm too busy trying to make music and art to worry about being cool or the fact that I'm aging. Seriously who writes this junk? This story is for 20 year olds.
shadowgovt
True, this story does skew a little "too hipster" -- being 30 in SF should know no boundaries of culture, creed, social or economic status. I moved to SF when I was 33, having moved to The City from Tahoe (another Fantasyland), and it was a sweet ride while it lasted. Lived on the border of Noe Valley and The Mission, so enjoyed the best of both worlds (quiet and clean vs. funky and, well, funky). Had this friend who lived with a bunch of roomies in a beautiful old Victorian at the top of the hill on Castro Street, nicknamed "The Ranch" -- she used to have some of the most bad ass parties around. DJ's spinning, liquor flowing, and if there weren't nekkid people in the hot tub by 11 pm then it wasn't really a party, y'hear? Being a father of 2 now, and living in northern San Rafael, I get occasionally nostalgic for the days of sleeping in late, going for coffee at Martha Bros or b-fast at Squat And Gobble, hanging out with no real agenda, and whooping it up at The Make Out Room or The Latin American til the dawn's early light. It was a carefree, laid-back escape at the time -- but it was an escape all the same. We've all gotta grow up sooner or later, and while I loved my 6 years there I wouldn't trade what I have now for all the PBR and lazy afternoons in the world.
Run Your Mouth