Start Me Up

Honestly this is exactly why I want to remain single. I think the author Anna Hennings needs 10 tips on "How Not To Be A Buga-Boo"

Who would even want to date you? lol

Clearly, the "startup guy" isn't a good fit for the author, which is totally fine, but that doesn't mean all these traits are bad things. I'm married to one such startup guy (for over seven years) and a lot of these characteristics are great fits for my personality. I love the fast pace, the challenges, the debates, the "live to work" mentality.

I dunno that bashing an entire group of people, because one person from that group wasn't a good fit for the author, is a valid critique.

I was drawn into this article by the adorable illustrations (which I still like...) but left feeling somewhat insulted.

"You have to be okay being so-and-so's girlfriend..." Wow, I don't even know how to respond to that one. Most of the 'girlfriends' I know in this industry happen to be just as successful in their own right. It's called being a power couple. It's also ridiculous how this article assumes that all start-up founders and successful entrepreneurs are men.

There are a lot of different types of people that become start-up founders. There are entrepreneurs who are always looking for the next big idea and maybe they are more social media savvy— but then there are talented designers and developers who just happened to have a great idea and might naturally shy away from over-broadcasting their life on social media (I'm more familiar with the latter, to be honest).

I'm with Sabrina. The generalization is insulting and I think there are more worthwhile stories you can get paid to write than this.

There are a lot of women in tech start-ups, including myself. I would love to geek out on social media, plot our empires together, dream up ideas, and try to make a few of the good ideas happen. I know a lot of men and women in this industry and admire their courage to do their own thing. Also, I have yet to encounter anyone who tweets about dates.

Yes, there are things you need to understand about dating someone (men AND women) who works for their own business. The hours are long and your business is your baby because you made it happen -- because you aren't happy working for someone else. But hey, at least these people have something interesting to say about their waking hours.

If the tech entrepreneurs aren't your cup of tea, you can certainly easily move on to other men. Meanwhile, I am creating a Google Calendar reminder for myself to send the author my phone number so she can pass it onto the tech-savvy go-getters that she keeps meeting and rejecting.

Oh, and by the way, I already tweeted about it.

Hey Anna,

I found the perfect fit for you, he is totally co-dependant like you, doesnt know how to use the computer well and is totally broke! Dont worry though there are some upsides (in your eyes, based on your article)

1. You'll always know what he is doing and were he is going 24/7 and he wont be able to make any decisions without consulting you first.

2. You wont have to worry about him flirting with other women on Facebook.

3. He gets home at 5 (that's when his shift ends at Philz Coffee)

Message me if you want his digits (its a home phone of course, lol)

Anna, you've quite scared me with this article and make me very thrilled to be in a committed relationship. It's rather nutty to be keeping tabs on the women that some guy you are dating is keeping tabs on. You do see that, no?

If you don't want to be known as "so and so's ex", then do something noteworthy of your own--the forward view from the coattails of others is rarely pleasant. It's rather easy to get you name known in this town as there always seems to be a barcamp or some other such thing to put on and attach your name to rather than being a Facebook update that is no longer easily scrolled to. In other words, do something.

Sabrina and Eugenia are both right. There are some stellar women in this town and in tech at that. I'm not sure what the point of this article was other than to confirm how needy some people are when it comes to relationships and how difficult it is for normal, non-spotlight craving guys to find these women whose baggage is carry-on at most.

Thierryp, I like your comment "the forward view from the coattails of others is rarely pleasant." I'll have to remember that one.

And I'm in agreement with Sabrina and Eugenia. I think the article is insulting to female (and male) techies and entrepreneurs.

Sounds like Ms. Hennings is making spectacle of a failed romance. That's the exact thing that would make her incompatible with a start-up techie/entrepreneur!

Hmmm. So I don't think the author is trying to put down the entrepreneurial woman or the tech power house in general but rather reminding us that sometimes there's more to us then our jobs. And isn't that a good thing?

Still, I think the fact that we are all reacting to this article so strongly is a good thing; great article Ms Hennings! You have hit a cord.

It definitely sounds like Anna has had some bad personal experiences, but I think some of these points are good ones. All of us in the start-up world can all do a better job at disconnecting from time to time!

And let's be honest, her point about comparing the glam of Silicon Valley to Hollywood is pretty accurate!

The job of disconnecting I whole-heartedly agree with, but when the nature of the industry is such that disconnecting can leave you behind in a big way, it's difficult to indulge.

It can be toxic, but our deep cultural values on the work day are shifting immensely. Can't qualify it as good or bad.

I agree with jackyhaward. Anna is not shutting down woman entrepreneurial types, more that we should all take a step back and look at the big picture and make it more balanced.

She has great points about taking the time to develop a relationship that is separate from work (or find someone just as passionate so they understand the need to text while making love). It's easy to be consumed by work, especially if it's your business/baby or if you are passionate about the product you work on.

So, that's a big debate. Is being passionate a bad thing for relationships? If your passionate about your lover, is that good? How about sports; is being passionate about the Giants or Raiders considered bad for the relationship? Is being passionate about religion, skepticism, your beliefs good/bad as well? I personally think that passion brings more positive aspects to relationships than not. It all comes down to the balance/understanding that you set up with the significant other within the relationship.

I think we can probably agree that the author assumes that women don't want to talk about their entrepreneurial ideas or debate best social media practices on a date (see her point 1). While that's not what I want to do all the time, I appreciate having someone who can geek out with me on occasion because that is a big part of who I am. Work-life balance is one thing, but this story seems to be specific to the tech industry and written from a point of view that has way too many assumptions.

Yes, the author struck a cord, but not a good one to strike if you are a female writer (and online at that!). As a female working in the tech industry, I don't want this author to speak on my behalf.

Anna, I know exactly where you are coming from having had very similar experiences myself from dipping my toe in the weird, wired world of Silicon Valley. The reactions of the above commentators indicates that you struck a nerve that possibly rang true--perhaps a little too true--which might be why this thread seems to resort to base name calling and enraged slander rather than reflection and response.

Kudos to you for your post, thank you for your insight into a world that has a lot of PR issues that apparently extend to the dating world. Keep it coming!

Wow, it is remarkable that so many folks are responding with such emotion- a clear sign that you are on to something Anna! I am often shocked at the personal attacks that are generated in online applications as if anonymity permits insensitivity. Many of these remarks are crude and attack the author personally for sharing her experience.
When thinking about building a life with someone I want to be noticed for the quality of my character and how I interact with my community. I would imagine ALL of us want to be noticed for our uniqueness and depth of character, unless, in lieu of these, you have developed platforms.
This article is a reminder to be clear with our goals and intentions. Calendar invites and social networking helps build business. Communication and eye contact is essential for personal relationships. Is there a distinction between public and private lives? Do we want to maintain one?
The upside is this, those sweet, popular, insulated folks that are making our next Farmville have the potential to generate hella skrill. If one is interested in selling their heart for comfort, I am sure ignoring the above advice and even trashing the author might win some points and a seat next to our "elite". I remain unmoved and uninterested. I want to know what you are doing with your brain, connections and resources to make our world a more beautiful and empowering place. I will learn that by how we interact and how you treat others in real life- and yes, posting to a blog in a public space is a piece of that how we treat others part. But then hey, who am I? I am certainly not connected- just connecting.

Men in general have never had very good communication skills, and I agree that technological advances are only worsening the problem. (I get asked out via text message. Lame.) But I also think that each individual needs to communicating their own wants and needs, even if your partner is deficient. I'm not suggesting that these complaints are unfounded, but did you share them openly with your boyfriend? If so, and there wasn't any reaction or response, why stay? There is or was a certain lure that you mention in the beginning that I think mimics success in any industry, not just Hollywood or the Silicon Valley.
I think this article could have made some reasonable points about the downsides of dating a tech success who values their job over their romantic relationships. But I think the choice to write this in the second person as a list of "things your doing wrong" is what generated such negative responses. If this is how you are giving your advice, I'm not surprised that your partner is not listening.

I'm the founder of an early-stage library-focused startup and I find parts of this article hilarious and very poignant!

Personally, I'm very private about my dating life on social media. I would definitely consider it a bad sign if someone I'm dating Tweeted about our date, especially while on it; it adds a tinge of cheapness (unless you've been together for years). Also, 99% of the time, if I'm discussing business with a guy, it means I'm not interested in him romantically.

It seems like a lot of the comments were made by younger techies who have yet to learn a work life balance (or burnout). More and more startup founders are women. Let's rewrite the workaholic stereotype in the tech world into a healthier, sexier work-smarter version.