I Went Undercover to a Trump Campaign Debate Party at Round Table Pizza, and I Foresaw the End Times

“On the Lord’s Day I was in the Spirit, and I heard behind me a loud voice like a Trump[et]” — Revelation 1:10

Illustration by the author, adapted from photos taken by Tom Ipri and Michael Vadon.

I regret not shaving this morning. Staring at myself in the men’s-room mirror, I fretted over my appearance…