A San Franciscan’s Gratitude Journal
A.K.A. Things people should be grateful for that I’ve done for them
A few weeks ago, I started keeping a gratitude journal. My homeopath told me it would make my life way better. And it did! Turns out, writing down all the reasons why other people should be grateful for your existence is just the mood lift I needed!
And if you enjoy reading this gratitude journal — well, you’re welcome.
I helped Darcy move
On July 15, 2015, I helped my friend Darcy move. Yes, she thanked me extensively at the time and paid me, but even still — helping a friend move a table from one room into another room is something she should be grateful for as long as we both shall live.
I gave a vague smile to a homeless woman
You would not believe how rude people can be to homeless people in San Francisco! I’m not like that at all. I treat all people with the same very unimpressive level of respect. Case in point: the other day, I gave a homeless woman a vague smile. I’m sure it was the thing she really needed to lift her spirits and turn her life around.
I volunteered to interview a candidate at work
Three months ago, I took the rare and exceedingly generous step of volunteering to interview a software-engineering candidate at my company. As my boss rudely pointed out, this is part of my job, but he still owes me big time for taking initiative. The candidate was so cute — I had looked him up on LinkedIn ahead of time. I asked him for his number, and he neither gave it to me nor joined the company, but that’s beside the point.
I gave Henry an old Muni pass
Wow, not that I’d actually want Henry to cut off his arm for me, but I feel like that would demonstrate the appropriate level of gratitude. He never volunteered — he actually didn’t offer to cut off even, like, a toenail. That ungrateful snob. What, do Muni passes grow on trees? Well, I don’t need mine anymore because I get $250/month in Uber credit from my job, but whatever.
I used an app that was in beta mode
This is a critical way to help early start-ups get more data! I’m a huge contributor to the economy. Plus, I signed up with six different email addresses and got $20 in Amazon credit every time, so I bought a new acupuncture mat.
I flushed
I have carpal tunnel. Flushing isn’t that easy for me. Not even when it’s automatic. (It’s complicated, OK? Don’t turn up your nose at chronic illness.) So anyway, the lady who uses this In-N-Out bathroom after me should basically dedicate every gratitude-journal entry to me for the rest of eternity.
I returned my mom’s call from four days ago
Look, I’m not going to say I’m the perfect daughter. But if you want to say it, that’s fine. I mean, my mom carried me inside her womb for nine months and paid for me to go to college, but not all daughters are willing to repay their mothers as effectively as I did. Yes, not to brag, but I did call her back after she called me four days ago. And I did it despite how annoying she can be on the phone, always asking me the same questions, like “Why didn’t you return my last seven calls?” and “Do you need money for rent?” You’re a broken record, Mom!
I recycled
It’s important that we all do our part for the environment! Some of us recycle cans or glass bottles, and that’s cool, but we really need to think more broadly when it comes to an issue as important as recycling. Me? I recycled pickup lines on Tinder. You’re welcome, Planet Earth and All Future Generations.
I went on a date with a guy from the Marina
And thereby saved some innocent girl from spending her evening with him.
I put good vibes into the universe
Have you noticed the generally positive energy flow recently? Not to be an asshole, but yeah, it’s all me. God himself is probably writing in his gratitude journal about me because I’ve done so much of his work for him! That, and I stopped praying, so he has fewer bullshit requests to deal with.
I didn’t murder someone
No one ever gives you credit for all the people you don’t murder. I explained this to a cop, and he did not seem adequately grateful to me.
Hey! The Bold Italic recently launched a podcast, This Is Your Life in Silicon Valley. Check out the full season or listen to the episode below featuring Eileen Rinaldi, CEO and founder of Ritual Coffee. More coming soon, so stay tuned!
