I’m a 6’6 woman who is active on social media. That’s me up there on the far right, obviously. You see, I am what many people would call a giantess.
As Wikipedia puts it, a giantess is “a female giant: a mythical being, such as the Amazons of Greek mythology, resembling a woman of superhuman stature.” But I’m not mythical; I’m a real person — a real person who accidentally became a fetish model on social media.
In the summer of 2018, photos of me went viral in an online forum (I have yet to find the source). Overnight, I received thousands of friend requests from people all over the world. I checked my inbox and discovered that all these people loved me for my height. It was odd. While it was nice to be recognized, the attention was only about how much I towered over short people. Why was everyone freaking out and leaving heart emojis under a random photo of me next to my short friend?
Shortly after I decided to accept some of these Facebook friend requests from admirers, I received a message from an anonymous person. Apparently, there is a whole world of people who fetishize very tall women. This man had no real name and no photo. He told me that he had a tall-lady fetish himself and said that if I wanted to grow — no pun intended — on Instagram, then I should start a new page using specific hashtags: #amazonianwoman, #tallamazon, and #heightcomparison.
I was very hesitant to take advice from a random giantess-loving dude online, but I was intrigued. And beyond simple curiosity, there was more: after years of being bullied, I’d been looking for a way to view my body positively. There had been days when I had felt so insecure about my height that I wouldn’t even leave the house. Maybe I could use my height to empower others with a body-positive angle of how I overcame low self-worth and self-confidence. Since I was going through a “what the hell” kind of phase, I decided that I had nothing to lose. Besides, I’d been looking to grow my audience to showcase my writing and poetry. Despite my misgivings, I asked him if becoming a part of this community would help grow my presence.
He assured me that it would and named other women, none of whom I had heard of, who have used their height to create huge platforms on social media. He then welcomed me into the world of Amazons by calling me a “goddess.” Like, thanks? What he didn’t tell me was that once I began to post photos using those hashtags, I would be inundated with hundreds of DMs from hidden profiles asking me for, um, “trampling sessions.” After some Googling, I discovered that a trampling session is an activity that involves being walked on or stomped on to produce humiliation or pain. OK…
I always thought that tall girls were referred to as “Amazons” as a joke or even as a compliment of sorts, on the basis of the mythical creatures. But now, on social media in 2019, an Amazon is just a term used to identify any tall female. That’s it. Most tall girls and tall women have no idea that they are feeding into this fetish when they use even simple hashtags like #tall until they’re flooded with DMs from short men asking for height-comparison photos—and then some.
People were absolutely obsessed with my size—not just my height, but every part of my body.
I wanted to find the positivity in this strange world. I wanted to be like the Ashley Graham of the plus-size movement, but for extremely tall women. So off into the world of Instagram I went with my new profile, @tallwomanpowermaliaarrayah.
I drew a lot of followers—hundreds, then thousands. I was hoping to attract followers who could identify with feeling like an outcast, people who were looking for encouragement to keep chasing their goals and to not give up even when they’d been bullied, but that’s not exactly what I got.
Here’s the very first post:
And then:
Soon after I posted them, my first two posts reached a big audience. I started gaining hundreds of followers a day. I was receiving such positive comments that it felt kinda nice, so I kept going.
But then the messages started coming, almost solely from people asking me how tall I was and sending me their own height over and over again. I was seemingly most popular with short men. I received hundreds of messages. A lot of people complimented me for having large feet.
Before you view the following snapshots, I want to say that I am in no way shaming people for their fetishes. Here’s a glimpse into the inbox of a tall woman on Instagram.
People were absolutely obsessed with my size—not just my height, but every part of my body. Feel free to use your imagination here.
Honestly, the feminist in me cringes at some of the DMs and comments I get. It’s a bit shocking to read messages from anonymous people who are absolutely obsessed with my body.
Why was I seen as a giantess while there are extremely tall men in existence who go on with their lives without ever having been called a fetish name?
Who are these people with no photos and blocked accounts? Are they all men? Are they so ashamed about following me that they must make a hidden account? Why?
I wanted to find out, so I asked them. I messaged them questions, like “Why do you love tall women?” Many of the owners of the hidden profiles said they were anonymous because they were embarrassed to show their love for tall women. They didn’t want to ruin their real-life name or, worse, be discovered by their spouse. One man I spoke to told me his wife didn’t understand his fetish for big feet (she had little feet), so he sought to fulfill his fetish online.
I then started thinking about why so many short men have giantess fetishes and when an attraction to very tall women turn us into a fetish. Why was I seen as a giantess while there are extremely tall men in existence who go on with their lives without ever having been called a fetish name? Is it because of societal norms? A part of me feels sorry for these short men, who seem to be very attracted to extremely tall women; it must be like having an itch you can’t fully scratch. But another part of me just wishes that I could be myself instead of being seen as exotic or freakish, or as the source of a fetish.
Some men told me that most tall women like me will never even look at a short man, and maybe there is some truth to this. They were desperate to talk to me, but at the same time, they were ashamed to show their faces on their profiles. I got the sense that they knew that the way they interacted with pages of tall women objectified us, and I felt their confusing combination of desperation, lust, and shame.
It was hard to escape the feeling that my physical shape will always overshadow who I am, the stories I share, the art I create, and the words I write.
Then the money offers started coming in. I sifted through my DMs and noticed that there were people offering me cash for photos of my feet and measurements of my legs.
I thought, Wow, people will really buy a photo of my leg?! Yes, they will. Wow, people will really buy photos of me standing next to a doorway? Yes, they will. Wow, people will really buy two-minute videos of me shoving my feet into a camera? Yes, they will. Wow, people will really buy five-minute videos of me mocking the size of their hands, feet, and height in videos? Yes, they will. Wow, people will really buy my smelly old shoes and socks? Yes, they will.
And how did I end up in Florida shooting a grappling video with a semi-well-known actor who happens to be a little person? OMG. Whoa, how did I end up on the corner of an East Bay high school, under a tree with a man shoving his face all over my feet in a public place? OMG.
I had become a fetish model.
It was a conflicting feeling. The giantess fetishists showed me so much love and so many positive vibes that I felt much more confident. I saw it as an avenue of expression and an exploration of the self. But it was hard to escape the feeling that my physical shape will always overshadow who I am, the stories I share, the art I create, and the words I write.
Maybe this is just an exaggerated form of what many women experience, women who find success pursuing their creative goals only to find themselves in the public sphere, where people are suddenly compelled to scrutinize their looks.
I admire other body-positive models who have attempted to spread awareness about how they’ve been degraded or discriminated, with an intention to inspire. I’ve seen models such as Tess Holliday face severe backlash, yet she still prevails and succeeds because she continues to be herself. That’s seriously #goals.
I cannot control how my body appears to people. I have to be free and accept myself, regardless of whether people decide I am a fetish. My goddess journey has taken me to very strange places, but ultimately, it has led me to being more comfortable and proud of my extreme size.
And before you ask, no, I don’t want to trample you, but yes, I do like getting my toes licked.
