From the ages of 11 to 22, I spent almost every weekend at Jewish youth group events in L.A., and summers at a Jewish summer camp in Santa Rosa, California. Once we entered high school, our youth group had a point system: The more hookups you had, the more points you got. The teens in leadership positions were worth more. I was never in youth group leadership, but I often found myself in the bed, backseat, or sleeping bag of a boy that was.

According to our point system I wasn’t worth much on my own, but every kiss, every…

Hail the rise of the “hackathon queen”: a title I’ve come up with for a woman who codes, is a self-described computer-science nerd, and exlusively hangs out with men because women are too dramatic and just don’t get her.

These women are perhaps best described in a single phrase: “I’m not like other girls.”

My first encounter with one such queen was when I was living in New York and visiting a female friend in San Francisco over the weekend. We met up with a friend from Caltech who brought along a gaggle of his old undergrad buddies, unsurprisingly all…

As I saunter into the longshoreman’s union hall, foghorns blast through San Francisco’s early morning overcast sky. I try to blend in and appear as if I do this every day. By “this,” I mean prepare to work the docks, unloading and loading cargo along the city’s coastline.

But there’s no use. I’m a woman working in this place. Not just on this particular day, but the only one to ever work here.

I try to ignore the silence that cuts through the room after I enter, followed by a few loud guffaws and an even louder patter of voices…

Ladies — girls — kiddos. Sit down for a moment. The way you’re acting is embarrassing and unprofessional for reasons I don’t have time to explain, because I haven’t thought of them yet. I, Joseph Epstein — an eightysomething white dude no one cares about — already gave Sweetie Pie Jill Biden some advice that went over very well, so I’m back to shell some out to the rest of you “professional women.” You’re welcome!

• Don’t call yourself a doctor, no matter what. Even if you’re a medical doctor. Even if you’re on an airplane and someone says, “Is there…

Friday Five

The season of spookiness has arrived, and what better way to get into the spirit(s) than watching some witchy, feminist flicks? As a witch and former film publicist, these are perhaps some of my favorite types of movies. This weekend, when Karla the Fog rolls in among Saturday’s blue full moon, I’ll be cozying up and enjoying some on-screen mystery and magic.

Of semi-important note, all of these movies pass the Bechdel test (at least two women talk to each other about something other than a man) with flying colors. …

You’ve been working from home for a few weeks now, and you’re finally getting into the swing of things. For example, you’ve timed your snack breaks to coincide with your pee breaks (this is easy; just snack every time you pee), and your apartment has never been cleaner — it’s still a mess, but at least all remnants of the Great Burrito Incident of 2017 are finally gone.

One thing feels like it’s missing, though. Oh, right: office sexism. It’s been weeks since you made a woman feel less-than simply for coming into the office, and that’s a drag. …

All illustrations by Eva Hill

Listen, women clearly want unsolicited feedback from us men, deep down, they just don’t know how to ask for it. In fact, a lady can have a hard time accepting it even when you deliver it extremely calmly to her face (which by the way, would look better with a smile on it). So in order to facilitate this process, I’ve come up with some ways to ease ladies into receiving unsolicited feedback. Gentlemen, listen up!

1. In a vase

All women adore flowers. As a man, I can only assume that what they love about them is the…

So you’re about to have a business meeting with a man. The biggest challenge of meetings is figuring out where to sit so that you don’t indicate a sexual desire for your male colleague. It’s difficult because men are known for picking up signals of sexual interest during business coffees and all other occasions. Here we offer a helpful guide for where you can place your bum in any seating arrangement.

Square table with four chairs

If your partner sits down before you, you need to sit exactly opposite to him, but you must pull your chair to one side of the opposite edge so…