Settle down, settle down. I’m exhausted. Without the stimulation Twitter provides, I can only stay awake for six minutes at a time, so let’s make this quick.

The will of the people has spoken, and then, after it spoke, my protestors spoke louder. I never believed I’d be standing here in front of you today, taking the Oath of Office, continuing my tenure as president. You see, by around March of this year, it seemed as though my attempts to rig the election would be brought to a very unfair halt, and so, I practically gave up.

I know I…

In some variation, every Slack channel, Twitter feed, and friend text thread erupted with a bevy of WTFs on Wednesday afternoon. An all too familiar scene presented itself by midday: a Trump rally in Washington, D.C., where the sitting president continued to spew malice, lies, and fabrications about a (consistently disproven) rigged election to his loyal fanbase.

Trump, of course, churned out his usual pot-stirring, violence-starting antics to satiate his own inflated ego and hollow logic.

“And after [this rally], we’re going to walk down there, and I’ll be there with you, we’re going to walk down … to the…

In the weeks leading up the election, there have been murmurs of a movement for Trump growing in the Bay Area — or at least, that his supporters here seem to be emboldened this year. This fall, a few freeway overpasses have been overtaken by Trump flags and flotillas — including this past weekend when roughly 350 trucks packed with more than 1,000 demonstrators paraded through Marin City — in addition to several Republican “free speech” rallies throughout the Bay.

These demonstrations are always a bit shocking in the deep blue Bay Area. To say Trump supporters are outnumbered in…

You have your fire evacuation plan if you’re a Californian who has lived through 2020. You also have your voting plan if you haven’t already cast your ballot. But have you also developed a Trump attempted-coup action plan? If not, it’s time to think this one through.

This past Friday, my wife, Sarah, and I had a rare dinner without the kids. The topic of conversation: talking through what we’ll do if Trump loses and follows through on his blatant vows to steal the election. Our plan in this case, we determined, is to pack up our car, snap our…

In early November 1971, the USS Coral Sea sat in the San Francisco Bay. The 45,000-ton aircraft carrier was slated to return to Vietnam that month, but at least 1,000 of the 4,500-man crew had formed an organization called Stop Our Ship and signed an antiwar petition. Their goal? To stop the ship’s journey back to the war-torn country.

In the days before the ship was set to depart through the Golden Gate, crewmen and civilians staged protests and vigils in San Francisco and outside the Naval Air Station in Alameda. In response, at the end of the Berkeley City…

Twitter still doesn’t let us tweeters edit our tweets, which I take as proof that they don’t want us to be happy. For anyone who considers themselves good at Twitter but prone to ocassional spelling errors, this is a source of great frustration. Fortunately, Twitter has announced recently that they’re considering a Clarification feature. With this, the author (are we calling Twitter users authors now?) of the original tweet can add a comment that must be retweeted with the original tweet. …

This may seem alarming, but there are real, living conservatives in San Francisco. Nine thousand city residents voted for Trump in 2016. Admittedly, that’s less than one percent of the adult voting population here, but still, they’re here.

But where exactly are they? Where do they eat? What do they do? How do they avoid all the pesky immigrants, gays, homeless people, transgender people, Muslims, people with disabilities and everyone else who keeps Mike Pence up at night?

Looking at the voting data, it’s unsurprising Trump voters mostly live in the richest neighborhoods — Laurel Heights, St. Francis Wood and…

Last week, an official government account attacked outdoor-apparel company Patagonia on Twitter. The U.S. House Committee on Natural Resources (@NatResources) tweeted an image saying that the popular outdoor-apparel company just wants to sell “more products to wealthy elitist urban dwellers from New York to San Francisco.” The tweet was a response to Patagonia suing the government for its slashes to two Utah national monuments, a move the retailer made in conjunction with a broad social media push, claiming, “The President stole your land.”

The tweet:

I was proud of Patagonia’s stance, but the @NatResources tweet struck a nerve. …