Why I love raising my daughter in San Francisco
San Francisco is among the most diverse cities in the world, and our daughter has felt at home among her classmates, friends, and teachers.
This article is part of I Love San Francisco, a feature series of essays that highlight what makes San Francisco iconic and irreplaceable.
By Beth Winegarner
San Franciscans rave to no end about our excellent food, parks, beaches and art scene, but not always do we talk about raising our kids here. I, for one, am so grateful to raise my daughter in our foggy city, but my reasons may not fit every mold.
My partner and I grew up in the North Bay, moved to San Francisco in 2004, and had our first and only child in 2009. From the beginning, we loved the ease of bringing her on Muni, BART, or in a child seat on a bicycle. We took advantage of the abundance of local parks with toddler-friendly playgrounds, and our close proximity to the museums or the beach.
There’s so much to see, experience, eat and learn within these 49 square miles. Soon after she began eating solid food, we treated her to Korean, Ethiopian and Nepalese food, along with classic Mission-style burritos.
We’ve watched penguin-feeding time at the zoo and strolled among the butterflies at the California Academy of Sciences. Through school trips, she’s seen the San Francisco Symphony, camped in the Presidio, learned how to rescue and foster wild pigeons, and practiced designing and screen-printing protest posters, all without leaving the city limits.
In that sense, the city is great for any child. But as ours got older, we discovered why it was an ideal spot for her specifically. San Francisco is among the most diverse and tolerant cities in the world, and our daughter has felt accepted and at home in her community of classmates, friends, and teachers.
Our daughter is 14 now, and she began showing affection to a female teacher when she was younger. In many parts of the country (say, Florida), her affections might have been met with scolding, or worse. But in San Francisco, they were gently appreciated, allowing her to feel safe in her budding orientation from a young age.
The fact that Pride is a big deal in San Francisco helped make room for her to be herself. We started taking her to the annual parade when she was a baby, long before she knew the rainbow flags and glittering costumes had a deeper meaning. One year, walking along the route of the Dyke March near Dolores Park, she stopped to dance to Madonna in someone’s driveway, along with a cluster of queer women, recognizing she belonged among them.
Her dad and I are longtime believers in the public-school system, and enrolled our kid in a neighborhood elementary school, starting with kindergarten. She had some excellent, attentive teachers and a few real duds. As she got older, it became clear that her ADHD-flavored learning style didn’t jell with what San Francisco’s public schools offer. By fifth grade, she was doing her own project-style learning, but her teachers complained that she wasn’t paying attention in class. Ultimately, we pulled her out of public school in search of a more specific environment, one where she’d also be bullied less often.
At the time, we were already looking at a bunch of public and private middle schools, preparing for that transition. We found a private, project-based middle school willing to take her for the final months of fifth grade. The pandemic hit, school went online and everyone was uneasy, but our daughter immediately felt more at ease in her new school than the one she’d left behind. Over time, we discovered that many of the teachers and kids in her small school were queer, trans, neurodivergent, or all of the above. No wonder it felt like home.
San Francisco is packed with self-styled innovators, including plenty of people who want to reinvent education (some more laudable than others). A major upside of that is, there’s a wide range of private schools — 112 in total — with a similarly wide range of teaching methods. Public schools know that not all kids learn in the same ways, but they struggle to provide individualized learning in schools with educators stretched thin.
The diversity of options that have made San Francisco a great place to raise our daughter also makes it great for those middle-of-the-bell curve children and their families. Kids who grow up among a wide range of people, with a wide range of backgrounds and perspectives, are more likely to become empathetic, welcoming adults.
As I watch our daughter grow toward adulthood, confident in herself, I’m so glad we’ve been able to hang on here. I hope more families hang on here, too.
Beth Winegarner is a San Francisco-based journalist and author. Her new book, “San Francisco’s Forgotten Cemeteries: A Buried History” was released Aug. 28, 2023.
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